


With Time

by MissYssim_KokeSoChan



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-05 04:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11006367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissYssim_KokeSoChan/pseuds/MissYssim_KokeSoChan
Summary: Where Hakyeon is in love with his best friendbut Taekwoon asks him to be his best man.





	1. Crushed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fortify_countrye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortify_countrye/gifts).



> It took me one year to complete this story. I’m more of a compulsive reader than a writer. In fact, I don’t think I would have ever written anything if I hadn’t discovered by chance VIXX’s fanfictions. I’m so thankful for all the excellent stories I stumbled on that I realised, little by little, that I wanted to do more than only post comments, I also wanted to contribute and give back after receiving so much. So here we are!  
> I hope you’ll enjoy your reading!  
> With love,  
> Kokechan <3
> 
>  N.B. : This story is also posted on AFF.

With time, Hakyeon has learned to live with this unrequited love. He even thought he was doing pretty well until this moment… They knew each other since they were toddlers, grew together through primary school and high school, became roommates in college and did their year abroad together. They even entered military service on the same day. Nowadays, even working in different professional fields, they are pretty much always together…

He doesn’t remember when his feelings started to shift from friendship to something more. Maybe nothing shifted and they were there from the beginning, from the first toothless smile exchanged… However, it was only in high school that he realised what they really meant, at the same time he realised he wasn’t really attracted to women… Unlike Taekwoon… And it hurt to know his crush would never love him back. But after a few years, the pain lessened. He grew accustomed to it, and when the wound would reopen from time to time, he was mostly happy with their relationship just as it was. Because after all, he was the only one who remained at Taekwoon’s side, when the others never stayed long.

It isn’t love, but it isn’t just friendship either and to some extent, he knows he is as precious to Taekwoon as Taekwoon is to him. There was this one time, when one of those girls, jealous of their unique relationship, had asked Taekwoon to choose. She’d barged in on them at a coffee shop and demanded to know who Taekwoon’s priority was. To Hakyeon’s utmost surprise, Taekwoon had chosen him. She hadn’t expected it either, but the reply came in a heartbeat, without a second of hesitation:

“He’s my best friend. He was and will always be there. If you can’t deal with that, there’s nothing I can do”. Spiteful, she then dropped the bomb:  
“So why don’t you date him already? It’s all he’s waiting for! Don’t you see it?” But no, Taekwoon didn’t as his answer showed at once.  
“This is silly. Just because he’s gay? I’m sorry it didn’t work between us but don’t blame it on him. This is ridiculous.”

After she left, Taekwoon apologised profusely for the scene, embarrassed that she accused his best friend of loving him, just because of his homosexuality. Hakyeon laughed it off, even when he was dying inside, having received the answer of the question he never dared to ask. Taekwoon would never see anything but a friend in him. He counted this moment as his happiest and saddest memory, knowing they will always be friends but that his true feelings would never be returned… 

However he was wrong. The saddest memories were still to come… When he thought he had given up and settled for the next best, enjoying their unique friendship, he hadn’t suspect he still had the tiniest bit of hope, very small and well hidden but definitely there. Standing in the middle of the jewellery store, he experiences this last bit of hope being crushed and his heart being torn apart. It dawns on him that he won’t be the last one anymore, that there will be another one forever by Taekwoon’s side.

“What do you think? Rose gold maybe? That would suit her…” Hakyeon is not sure what he replies. He apparently has switched on some automatic mode: everything is fading into a blur and he feels like he is absent from himself, observing from outside as he slowly becomes an empty shell. But he’s still answering, pointing at some rings, joking, smiling again and again until his jaw hurts, tightening his fists in the pocket of his trench coat in the vain hope that the sharp pain of the nails digging inside his palms will lessen the devastating pain he feels inside his crushed heart.

He doesn’t know how he came back to his apartment. He is not thinking yet. He forbids himself to do so. There are dishes to be done, some laundry, his bed’s sheets to change, tons of dress shirts to iron… Denial seems to be indeed the first step of grief. He even denies how hurt he is. It was to be expected after all. He had years to prepare himself to this eventuality. And they are still friends. He will always be there in the end, as the best friend, the one and only one. No one else can have this place in Taekwoon’s life, right?

He doesn’t know how many hours passed. He cooked a month’s worth of meals and ate in front of the last episode of Running Man. He even laughed during the show. Under the flow of the shower, he starts thinking about the things he will have to do soon. Like the congratulatory speech as the best man. He can imagine all too well the disapprobation of Taekwoon’s parents. They don’t like him that much, or rather not since they learned about his “preferences”… But Taekwoon didn’t want to change his mind: “You’re my best friend. There is no one else I want by my side on this day.” Liar.

Hakyeon is preparing for bed when he hears the too familiar ringtone. One message. ‘She said yes’ and a smiley. The biggest smiley with the biggest grin a smiley could ever have. The most stupid smiley from someone who never uses any. He can’t detach his eyes from it, staring at the grinning face for the longest time, until he can’t see it anymore. Now he is crying, hard, ugly sobs that won’t stop. There is no hope anymore. How is he supposed to live now?


	2. A Perfect Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you'll enjoy this new chapter! <3

Hakyeon didn’t think he would manage so well during the wedding. Thankfully, Hongbin has accepted to come as his plus one. “Of course I’ll come hyung. I won’t let you face this ordeal alone. What kind of a friend do you think I am?” Hongbin is a sweetheart.

They met at a night club a few years ago. After some hot dancing and teasing, they started to make out heavily in the back alley (those dimples were too hard to resist). That was until Hakyeon’s stomach betrayed him and he vomited his guts against the wall. Hongbin stayed to gently pat his back during the process. He also helped Hakyeon get back home, washed the trace of vomit off his face, stripped him from his soiled clothes and assisted him into fluffy pyjamas, before tucking him in bed like a baby.

Hongbin was still there the following morning, cooking pancakes for breakfast, handing a glass of water and hangover medicines to Hakyeon before cracking a joke about Hakyeon’s peculiar way of flirting. They chatted comfortably through the morning and then, to thank Hongbin for his help, Hakyeon invited him to go eat lunch at the family restaurant near his apartment. Hours later, Hongbin knew all the important things worth knowing about Hakyeon and vice versa. That’s how they became friends.

Taekwoon was surprised to hear he would be Hakyeon’s plus one.

“Are the two of you dating?”

“No, we’re not. But are you expecting me to come alone when everybody will be accompanied? How cruel can you be?” he whined, and realised that uttering the words aloud, even in a joking way, was weirdly comforting.

This is how, with Hongbin’s moral support, he goes through the day quite smoothly. His voice doesn’t tremble that much during his speech, neither during the congratulatory song. And after all, he thinks, he’s allowed some emotion at his best friend’s wedding! Everything is so perfect he wishes he could ruin it. But since love is cruel, he wouldn’t stand Taekwoon’s disappointment, and as much as it hurts to be by his side right now, it would hurt even more to not be able to. So he keeps everything inside like he always had.

And it is beautiful. Taekwoon is so happy. It’s his dream come true. They look perfect together, the perfect advertisement to happily ever after. Perfect suit, perfect princess dress, perfect ring. At least, he didn’t have to help choosing this one. The engaged couple managed it well together.

Again, he smiles so much that his jaw hurts. It is such a weird feeling for him to have a fake smile plastered on his face. Thankfully and hopefully, all will be better soon. After having crushed him in pain, fate took pity on him. It happens that his company wants to expand in Japan. As he is fluent in Japanese since his one year studying there, and so competent in what he does, he has been offered the opportunity to start the new branch in Tokyo. In a year or two, he will come back to Seoul with more experience and the perspective to take greater responsibilities. It isn’t like his personal life ever hindered his career. He is ambitious. And now his work will even help him to mend his broken heart. Such a win-win situation…

Taekwoon didn’t take the news very well. His pride was a bit wounded when he heard that Hakyeon had already taken his decision without even consulting him. He was even more surprised to hear that Hakyeon had scheduled his departure to the day right after the wedding. He didn’t expect it would happen so fast. Then he was insisting on taking Hakyeon to the airport, but the latter told him how silly it would be for him to be with his friend instead of his wife the first day of his married life. It isn’t like Minah would mind. Given Taekwoon’s demanding work, they didn’t plan to go on a honeymoon any time soon, and she understands the strong bond uniting the two men. But Hakyeon wouldn’t give in and after some pouting, Taekwoon had agreed and it was decided that Hongbin would be the one to send him off.

Hakyeon is eager to have this new start. One year will be plenty of time to overcome his long overdue crush. If he is honest with himself, he never really tried to get over his infatuation with Taekwoon. So now he will try. He has to try. And he has to succeed, so he can come back with appeased feelings. He wishes for peace at last, and thinks he also deserves his happily ever after.


	3. Out Of Sight

The past few months went by in the blink of an eye. Hakyeon has so much work to occupy himself with. Still he can’t help but call Taekwoon often… Too often… It’s as if he has to tell Taekwoon about every moment of his life. He calls at least once a week, if not more. Bad habits die hard. He tries however to lessen the frequency of his calls. When the urge is too strong and he needs to reason his silly mind, he calls Hongbin instead. Half jokingly, half seriously, Hongbin says he is Hakyeon’s sponsor in his fight against his Taekwoon addiction.

It is still very difficult and he always has good excuses to relapse. Whenever he intends to wait another day before calling Taekwoon, Taekwoon calls him instead, or sends him a bunch of what seem like casual messages, but it is his subtle way to show he is starting to worry. In the end, Hakyeon just stops resisting. As he tells a sceptical Hongbin, it isn’t as bad as it sounds. Distance and work help him to find some kind of peace. Even if he indulges himself in the phone calls and in confiding to Taekwoon about his new life, he doesn’t long for the other man’s presence anymore. He even thinks that he has come to terms with his unwanted feelings. Until that last phone call, when Taekwoon announces him that he will be in Tokyo for a few days.

“This is a two days conference but I can take a few more days off so we can catch up.” A silence. “What do you think?” Hakyeon had thought he was over it. But the way his heartbeats increase tenfold at just the idea of having Taekwoon back by his side for a few days, just the two of them like it had been when they were studying in Japan together, he realises he obviously isn’t over anything.

“I don’t want to bother you if you’re too busy with work. It was just an idea…”

“No, it’s great! Work just slowed down lately, don’t worry. When will you arrive?”

“In a fortnight. I’ll text you the exact day. Is there a hotel you would recommend?”

“What are you talking about? No way am I going to let my best friend sleep in a cheap hotel. And I thought you wanted to catch up! Just stay at mine while you’re here, it’ll be like old times…”

Hakyeon swears that Taekwoon is smiling on the other end of the line. He’s so stupid. Whatever. He will cry over himself later. After he arranges everything with Taekwoon about his stay, Hakyeon calls Hongbin. The latter tells him he is a fool and he can’t deny it. Such a fool. But at least he has tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for leaving comments and kudos! Thank you for reading!  
> I hope you enjoyed this new chapter! See you next week for the update! <3


	4. Like Old Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Hakyeon and Taekwoon are seeing each other after a long time! Did things change between them or not?  
> (I’m trying to build some suspense there... Is it working?)
> 
> Thank you for leaving kudos and comments!
> 
> I hope you’ll enjoy this new chapter! And see you next week for another update! <3

He’s there to welcome Taekwoon at the airport, holding a cringe worthy cardboard spelling “Taekwoonie” between big hearts. Taekwoon’s flustered face is hilarious and Hakyeon makes a point to hug him tight, just to be sure that the other won’t overcome his embarrassment too soon. It’s his little revenge for all the unwanted feelings Taekwoon always manages to stir from him, without even knowing. At least, he can allow himself to make fun of the other to compensate. And through all the grunting and pushing, it’s easy to see how genuinely happy Taekwoon is to see him after all this time. They’ve never been apart for so long before.

Soon, they arrive at Hakyeon’s studio apartment, courtesy of his company. He never thought it was too small before, with all the well-conceived interior design, but it suddenly doesn’t feel the same with the addition of another person. Obviously, it isn’t intended to accommodate two grown-up men with a more than average height and rather long limbs. They don’t stop bumping into each other while settling Taekwoon’s luggage and every time it ends up with friendly bickering, poking and tickling. They feel like they’re twenty all over again.

The same goes on while cooking and eating. The kitchen is certainly the smallest room and they are awfully close during the meal, which allows Taekwoon to pick at Hakyeon’s plate every time the latter is distracted with his phone (work’s mails he can’t ignore) or rummaging inside the fridge or the cupboards in the search for something to add to the table. It’s not like Hakyeon isn’t aware of it. Taekwoon has always been kind of a food thief, but he doesn’t mind when there is plenty of dishes like tonight. Besides, Taekwoon always makes sure to leave the best parts for him.

Soon enough they’ve finished their meal and it’s time to arrange the couch in the living room, so that Taekwoon can sleep on it. However, it soon appears that it will not work. The couch will be perfect for a Lilliputian but Taekwoon is certainly not one… Hakyeon stares quite bewildered at the treacherous piece of furniture. He didn’t think he had to verify if Taekwoon could fit in it. It looked like a perfectly normal fold-out couch from the outside, but obviously it wasn’t. Taekwoon is laughing at him now.

“That’s okay, you don’t have to be so embarrassed. We’ll sleep together, like old times. It’s suppose to be the theme of my stay here after all. Remember that horrible hotel room in San Francisco? It can’t be worse, seriously”.

Hakyeon remembers. The long day spent going around the city. The sun, the picturesque streets. And their difficult search of a place to stay for the night. In the end, they had to take the last room of a creepy motel and accept to share the not very large bed inside. After a lot of playful complaints, and a lot of tossing and turning, Taekwoon managed to fall asleep quite fast. But Hakyeon couldn’t. They were so close. As if under a spell, he kept staring at Taekwoon’s face. All night. Until he couldn’t keep his eyes opened. Wondering if he should confess. Deciding against it. Because he feared they wouldn’t be the same if he did, that it would ruin their comfortable friendship, that he would never be able to see Taekwoon ever again.

They are in Hakyeon’s bedroom now. Taekwoon took his shower first and he’s lying already in the double bed, sound asleep. Hakyeon looks at his form under the duvet, the lines of that big body slightly folded over itself, the rhythmical movement of the chest, the relaxed face, eyelids softly closed, lips slightly parted. Taekwoon’s even more handsome than in the past, if that’s possible. Age suits him, defines his features more.

Slowly, Hakyeon pulls his eyes from the sleeping form and goes to what would be his side of the bed for the next few days. He briefly wonders if it’s Minah’s usual side along her husband, but stops the thought at once. He can’t let his mind wander that path. He’s so tired of feeling down since Taekwoon announced that he would propose. Mourning for so long isn’t Hakyeon’s style. He always manages to see the bright side of life. If there is a permanent trait in everyone’s personality, his is most certainly optimism. Even when he realised in high school that his feelings would never be returned, he didn’t let the fact bother him too long and undermine his ability to stay positive in all situations. It’s been difficult lately, but he doesn’t want the sad feelings to last, doesn’t want to cling to them. He’s not this kind of a sorry person.

Looking at the ceiling, he struggles to keep the tears inside. Tomorrow, starting tomorrow, he will try harder to summon back his happy former self and forget the sorrow.


	5. Clubbing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I’m back with another chapter!  
> Not much to say about this one...  
> Except to tell you that the boy Hakyeon dances with is Sanghyuk...  
> Enjoy! <3

As expected, Hakyeon doesn’t see Taekwoon that much for the first days. They see each other in the morning and in the evening, but both are too exhausted to do much more than eat and have a little talk. Well, it’s more Hakyeon doing the talking and Taekwoon answering with a few grunts, especially just after waking up. It makes Hakyeon smile to see that the other is still not a morning person. Even if it’s a bittersweet feeling, he likes to see that some things didn’t change, that Taekwoon didn’t change, that he is still the friend he knows by heart.

On the third day, Hakyeon manages to take a day off and they wander together through Tokyo. They go back to some of the places they loved to haunt that one year they were studying here. Hakyeon also shows Taekwoon new spots he discovered since he came back, especially ones related to food. Enjoying being together, they soon start losing track of time.

After a delicious dinner at a ramen restaurant that Hakyeon knew Taekwoon would love, they decide to go clubbing in Roppongi. To be honest, it’s more Taekwoon giving up to Hakyeon’s whines rather than a concerted decision. So they go back to Hakyeon’s apartment to change into more appropriate clothes, which translate to Hakyeon taking forever to get ready and Taekwoon just waiting while purposely yawning.

When Hakyeon is at last out of the bathroom, he’s absolutely stunning. Dressed entirely in black, with very tight leather trousers, a close-fitting dress shirt, silky hair and a make-up subtly enhancing his beautiful doe eyes. He never cared that he looked like a cliché (a gorgeous one though) when he intended to party. He twirls around, giving off a sensuous musky fragrance in the movement, and winks playfully at Taekwoon.

“Do I look hot?”

“You know you do.”

“Ah Taekwoonie, you’re the best! Let’s go!”

The club they enter is packed. They first go to the bar and share a few shots. Soon enough, Hakyeon is itching to dance and try to force Taekwoon to go with him on the dance floor, but to no avail. “Go have fun. I’ll wait here.” Hakyeon doesn’t wait to be told twice.

Immersing himself into the rhythmically undulating crowd, he relishes the deafening sounds of the music vibrating through his whole body, dictating the slightest movement of his limbs. There are some women trying to approach him but he doesn’t give any sign of being interested and continues to dance alone, just for himself, eyes half closed, gestures smooth. He feels like floating, a little lightheaded thanks to the alcohol. This is nice and he will enjoy the sensation until it lasts.

Feeling observed, he opens his eyes and try to catch sight of Taekwoon near the bar. That’s when his eyes meet the ones of a grinning and very handsome boy. Sure, he’s way too young but Hakyeon doesn’t have it in his mind to care. He waits for the boy to approach him and they begin to dance together. Things escalate fast and quickly there are hands all over him and a hot mouth pressed against his own. They kiss hungrily, all thoughts set aside, but next thing Hakyeon knows they’re suddenly jerked apart and he finds himself close to a sulking Taekwoon.

“Let’s go.”

“What?”

“I didn’t come to see you making out with underage kids. Let’s go.”

Then he’s yanked through the crowd before he has any time to process anything of what Taekwoon just shouted at him. He tries to look behind him at the boy he was dancing with but he’s nowhere to be seen and Taekwoon keeps pulling him relentlessly until they’re outside of the club.

“What the hell was that Taekwoon? I was just having fun!”

“I was bored.”

“And you had to spoil my fun?”

“I’m tired. Let’s go back to your apartment. I want to sleep. I hate clubbing.”

“And I hate you.”

“No you don’t. And you’ll thank me later. If you ask me he was way too young for you. Probably jailbait too.”

“I’m not asking you anything, you moral know-it-all! He could enter the club! That means he was legal! And there is nothing wrong with having some fun, you judgmental ass!”

He tries to pull Taekwoon back into the club but Taekwoon won’t budge even if he looks uneasy now. They don’t quarrel very often and when they do, Hakyeon is hardly ever the one to raise his voice. Now that the fresh air of the night is cooling his head, Hakyeon supposes that asking of Taekwoon to just sit at the bar while he was having fun dancing and enjoying his night out wasn’t really fair of him... He still thinks that Taekwoon’s comment was uncalled for but seeing how Taekwoon seems to regret his words, he decides it’s not worth an argument. After all, they’re supposed to have fun together, so Hakyeon decides to compromise.

“Fine, let’s go but you owe me a drink elsewhere!”

After some more drinks at a place more suited to Taekwoon’s tastes, they’re finally back to Hakyeon’s apartment. Too drunk, they both stumble to the bed, half naked, half of their partying clothes still on. Hakyeon decided to abandon the fight half way through the struggle of unbuttoning his dress shirt but miraculously managed to get rid of his tight pants. Taekwoon did a little bit better but somehow forgot to get rid of one of his socks and put his night shirt back to front and inside out before crashing under the cover.


	6. Are You Happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here you have a new chapter which didn’t exist a few days ago...  
> The previous version needed to be improved a lot so I rewrote it entirely, following the precious advices of Fortify_Countrye!  
> I hope you’ll enjoy the final result! <3

Hakyeon is starting to fall asleep when Taekwoon’s voice breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

Hakyeon has to fight against both alcohol and sleep to remember what Taekwoon is apologising for. He turns to face Taekwoon and is surprised to find him so close. He must look confused and Taekwoon elaborates.

“At the club.”

Hakyeon remembers now.

“Ah, it’s okay. I forgot about it already.”

He’s glad however that Taekwoon has apologised. He knows it’s not really in his friend’s character to admit that he’s wrong so easily. Taekwoon can be quite stubborn. So Hakyeon smiles to him reassuringly and extends his hand to gently pat Taekwoon’s cheek.

Taekwoon still looks concern so Hakyeon pokes his cheek to make him smile and he giggles at the weird face he obtains. Frowning, Taekwoon catches Hakyeon’s hand in his own to stop him and Hakyeon realises that his gesture might have made Taekwoon uncomfortable. However Taekwoon doesn’t release Hakyeon’s hand but places it between the two pillows, his own hand warm and comforting around it. It’s nice and Hakyeon is about to close his eyes to sleep when Taekwoon starts talking again.

“Are you happy?” he whispers.

“Mmmh...? Of course I’m happy. Why?” Hakyeon doesn’t understand.

“I don’t know... I... When you’re dancing and when you’re flirting like that... There’s something desperate like you’re in search for something or trying to forget... I don’t know...”

Hakyeon suddenly feels nauseous. He’s faltering under Taekwoon’s gaze and tries to avoid his eyes but Taekwoon is too close and when Hakyeon lowers his eyes, all he sees is the worried curve of Taekwoon lips. He’d like to turn away but his hand is still trapped under Taekwoon’s and he feels like crying. He doesn’t know what to say so he forces a smile to repeat the same answer to Taekwoon, even if it’s a lie.

“I’m okay... I’m happy... Really...”

But Taekwoon squeezes his hand as if to say that it’s okay to be sad, okay to feel lonely sometimes, and Hakyeon feels the tears gathering at the rim of his eyes.

“I’m sorry... I shouldn’t have asked... It’s just... I can’t help worrying. Since Eunji, you haven’t been in any stable relationship and...”

“Taekwoon.” It’s a warning. Hakyeon doesn’t want to hear what Taekwoon has to say about his past relationships, how they never last and how shitty he feels when they’re over. He knows that already and that the probability for one-night stands to become something more serious is rather low. He knows all of this but doesn’t want to talk about it with Taekwoon when he’s the main reason Hakyeon never really gave anyone else a real chance.

“I just want you to be happy...”

“Well, I’m the only one who can make it happen, right? It has nothing to do with being single or not.”

He jerks his arm away to free his hand from Taekwoon’s grip and curls it against his chest in a protective way. It’s too much and Taekwoon should know there are things he doesn’t want to talk about. Now he feels sad and angry, a combination of emotions he’d rather deal with alone. He wants to cry and to kick Taekwoon out of his bed, out of his bedroom, instead of keeping everything inside, as always. He doesn’t, however, and struggling to keep the tears at bay, he tries to think about something to lighten the harshness of his reaction. It’s Taekwoon, though, who starts to talk again and reaches for him with a hesitant hand.

“I’m sorry. I know I’m bringing this up a lot tonight... I... You know how I’m the worst with words... What I wanted to say, it’s just... You’re my best friend. You’re important to me. And yes, I want you to be happy and if you’re telling me that you are, I believe you, Hakyeon. It’s just... We haven’t seen each other for a while and with the distance now... I... You would tell me if anything was wrong right? If I could do anything? You know you can talk to me and I’ll listen, right?”

“Yes...”

Hakyeon is crying now, his face covered behind his hands, and he blames the alcohol that makes him so weak and sensitive tonight. Taekwoon is awkwardly trying to comfort him by rubbing a hand along his arm. Hakyeon supposes that Taekwoon would have preferred to avoid having to deal with his emotional breakdown. He knows that Taekwoon isn’t comfortable with people crying in front of him, so Hakyeon tries to give him an explanation.

“It’s lonely sometimes.”

What he doesn’t expect is to be pulled into Taekwoon’s arms. He sobs anew at the unexpected gesture, while Taekwoon gently strokes his hair, whispering soothing words to him.

“I know. I’m sure you’ll find someone, Hakyeon.”

And they should be painful, Taekwoon’s unknowing cruel words, but it’s them which lulled Hakyeon to sleep, secure in Taekwoon’s embrace.

“I’ll always be there for you, you know.”


	7. Something's Wrong With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here is a new chapter at last!  
> I’m sorry I didn’t update sooner. I’ve been a bit sick when I intended to edit this chapter and post it. Then I wasn’t home and it was a bit complicated... Actually, I won’t be able to post a chapter every week like I did until now. But it’s just temporary: I’ll be back to a regular schedule in September!  
> Last but not least, thank you to all of you who left kudos, commented and bookmarked this story! And as always, a big thank-you to Fortify-Countrye who makes an awesome job at editing every chapter and guiding me to make this story better!

Hakyeon wakes up with a serious hangover. Catching sight of the dark rings under Taekwoon’s eyes and of the lonely sock remaining on one of his feet, Hakyeon can’t help but feel a bit relieved. At least he’s not the only one feeling like shit. Thankfully, after some painkillers, a good shower, and the help of some bb cream, he looks as fresh as a daisy. Or almost.

They don’t talk about what happened last night. Hakyeon doesn’t feel like explaining himself again and Taekwoon, being more reserved when he’s sober, doesn’t seem eager to address the subject either. It’s not like it’s forgotten either. When Taekwoon hands him his coffee (one sugar and a splash of almond milk), Hakyeon knows it’s his way to show that he cares. Taekwoon himself must be to his third cup of black coffee. They sit quietly together at the kitchen table, enjoying the warm beverage in silence, and it’s comfortable, familiar even.

Today, they’re having lunch with some of Hakyeon’s new acquaintances. It’s always been like this, Hakyeon meeting new people and then introducing them to Taekwoon. That’s why they have most of their friends in common. Hakyeon’s bubbly personality is what attracts them first. Taekwoon’s calm and appeasing demeanour is what makes them stay. Being friends with the two of them is like having the best of friendship in a set: the fun and the quiet, the exciting and the sobering, the craziness and the rationality. Neither of them is a caricature of these characteristics. Hakyeon is the most responsible and trustworthy person you can find even if he comes across as carefree. Taekwoon has a playful side and a weird sense of humour that only their closest friends have the privilege of knowing and enjoying.

They arrive a bit late at the restaurant and Hakyeon is welcomed with cheers and vigorous handshakes. Taekwoon follows right behind him and it’s awkward at first. It always is. Until Hakyeon’s magic happens. Subtly, naturally, unconsciously even, he involves Taekwoon in each conversation and soon the latter is immersed in the loud chattering as if he knew the others for as long as Hakyeon did. There are lots of jokes, passionate debates, laughs and the afternoon is spent in good company.

They don’t go straight back to the apartment after lunch. There’s this ice cream shop that Hakyeon absolutely wants Taekwoon to try and there they go with Jaehwan, one of Hakyeon’s new co-workers-turned-friend who lives in the same area as Hakyeon. The cheerful man has a sweet tooth, and he’s too happy to make the detour with them.

The ice cream is delicious. Through the walk and the tasting, Taekwoon is told all about the Tokyoite life of Hakyeon by his new friend. There are mostly things he already knows but it’s interesting to hear them from another perspective. Hakyeon is, of course, trying to neck chop Jaehwan every time the latter shares something embarrassing about him, teasing him relentlessly. It’s all for a good laugh and Taekwoon can feel the tenderness behind it. Yet it stirs some uncomfortable feelings inside of him. He knows he should be happy for Hakyeon to be able to make friends so easily but when he sees him having so much fun with others, he wonders if someday he’ll be left alone. Then he remembers what Hakyeon told him last night, about feeling lonely, and he supposes that both of them know how to hide their insecurities, Hakyeon behind a smiling front and Taekwoon behind a neutral one.

Back at the apartment, Taekwoon crashes on the couch, exhausted by the day. On the contrary, Hakyeon is feeling restless. Meeting with people always has this energizing effect on him. Smiling brightly, he answers to the messages his friends already sent him. ‘It was fun’ - ‘We have to do this again’ - ‘Did you get back safely?’ This one makes him laugh: you would think they parted ways in the middle of the night...

Taekwoon observes Hakyeon replying enthusiastically to his friends’ texts and the uncomfortable feeling is back. He tries to ignore it but he can’t get it out of his mind, seeing Hakyeon so cheerful when he himself is so awkward most of the time.

When Hakyeon looks over to tell Taekwoon that he has managed to charm everyone, he doesn’t expect to see his friend staring at him with a sad look, his lips tightly closed in a straight line like he’s trying hard to keep things inside. Taekwoon turns his head away as soon as their eyes meet, but it’s enough for Hakyeon to know that something’s wrong.

“Hey, what’s wrong? What’s with the long face?” He says softly.

“Nothing.” Taekwoon doesn’t want to bother Hakyeon with his childish thoughts. He also knows he doesn’t stand a chance if Hakyeon starts to pry.

“Doesn’t look like nothing to me. Hey!” Hakyeon pokes his arm lightly. “Tell me. Taekwoonie.” He whines. “You know it’s doing you no good to keep everything inside. What’s upsetting you? Did I do something wrong...”

“No, you didn’t. It has nothing to do with you”. The last thing Taekwoon wants is for Hakyeon to feel responsible. “It’s me. Something’s wrong with me.”

Taekwoon’s voice sounds miserable. He doesn’t look at Hakyeon but keeps staring at an elusive point in front of him. Hakyeon can’t see his eyes but the side profile he’s observing right now is so full of sorrow. He wasn’t expecting that. What could possibly be wrong with Taekwoon? How didn’t he guess that something is obviously eating up his friend? He’s always been so good at decrypting Taekwoon’s mood but what he witnesses right now, it puzzles him. He murmurs.

“Hey, what’s wrong with you? What are you saying?”

Taekwoon lets out a sad, self-depreciative laugh.

“Everything... It just took me time to realise it... But everything...” Taekwoon suddenly feels overwhelmed with sadness. There is such a contrast between the few month of his married life and the last days spent with Hakyeon. At first, he thought it was difficult because he was so used to Hakyeon’s presence it left a void in his life, but after some time, he started to think it was more about himself, his lack of social skills and his personality. “I’m just... I’m not good with people. And it’s so obvious since you left...”

“What?”

Hakyeon doesn’t understand. Taekwoon never bothered with people. It’s not like he doesn’t have a social life. Besides, he’s married now...

“I don’t know. It’s just... Something’s off. It’s awkward whenever I see the others. They don’t know how to deal with me and I can’t blame them. I have nothing interesting to say and it kills every conversation. I haven’t meet them that much lately. Maybe it’s better that way...”

Well, Hongbin told Hakyeon they didn’t see Taekwoon as much as they used to, but he thought it was to be expected with Taekwoon getting married and his work. He’s as much as a workaholic as Hakyeon is.

“Isn’t it normal? You’re a married man now!” Hakyeon punches Taekwoon’s arm playfully in an attempt to cheer him up. “How is it going with Minah? When are you having a baby? I want to be an uncle soon!”

Taekwoon knows that Hakyeon is trying to make him feel less sorry about himself but inadvertently hits a nerve.

“She doesn’t want to for now. Well, she’s right. We still have to adjust with our new life together and I’m so busy with work.” He doesn’t sound very convinced and Hakyeon supposes the words are Minah’s rather than his own. And there is that laugh again, that sad, pathetic laugh which tears up Hakyeon’s heart a little. “It’s better like this anyway, with how things are now. I... I think she might regret marrying me...”

Hakyeon is too surprised to reply. What the heck happened while he was away? In less than six months, what could possibly go so wrong?

“She likes to have people over, you know? Preparing fancy dinners and everything. She asked me to invite one of my co-workers with his wife...” Taekwoon snorts. “I really feared he would spit his coffee in surprise when I asked him. And the whole evening was a disaster. Minah did all the talking and I had nothing to say. That’s how it is. I’m a boring and uninteresting person. I’m so pathetic...”

Just remembering that evening makes Taekwoon feel miserable. Except Hakyeon is set on making him feel better and not swallow in self pity.

“Come on now, this is so not you! And just to state things right, you’re not boring, you’re not uninteresting. You’re mistaking it with being bored and uninterested! You told me about these colleagues of yours. They seem a bunch of annoying, smug, pompous asses. Of course you have nothing to talk about with them. You don’t have to force yourself to appreciate unworthy people.”

Hakyeon’s strong reaction does manage to reassure Taekwoon a bit. But he saw today how different Hakyeon is and before he has time to really think about the bitterness of his words, he lets them out.

“But you don’t have this problem. See, you’ve been there only a few months and you already know everyone and have tons of friends: you don’t miss me. You don’t need me to have a life...”

Hakyeon looks surprised and Taekwoon realises he sounds a bit like a whiny child. They stare at each other without saying anything for a second before Hakyeon chuckles behind his hand and then embraces Taekwoon in a tight hug.

“Oh, did you miss me? It’s alright, I missed you too, Taekwoonie. We’re best friends, remember? And don’t worry, I’m good at befriending people but it doesn’t mean everybody is or will be my friend forever or I don’t know... It’s people I appreciate and like to hang out with. Nothing life changing. And it’s okay to be different. You would go mad if you had to keep up with as many people as I do, right?”

“Humph...” Taekwoon has to agree but he won’t say so easily that Hakyeon is right.

“And you know you’ll always have the first place in my heart.”

Hakyeon is shaking him back and forth as he’s saying this and Taekwoon is doing his best to escape his suffocating embrace, pushing Hakyeon away and complaining loudly about being asphyxiated. But the truth is he feels weirdly relieved to hear this from Hakyeon, as if a weigh was suddenly removed from his chest.

As for Hakyeon, even if the words are painful for him to say, he doesn’t mind. The only thing that matters is Taekwoon’s happiness, Taekwoon’s smile. He would never rejoice in hearing about his marriage going wrong, and he’s sincere when he says that he can’t wait for Taekwoon to have a child because he knows how important it is to his friend to start a family. He imagines it sometimes and he knows he would love the little being without a second thought. He’s not a saint though and at times, he just wants to shout and cry. But their friendship will always come first, since that’s all he has.

“Seriously, don’t worry about such useless things. You’re just so used to having me there that you need some time to adapt. No need to freak like that. And I’m sure Minah will understand that you need some rest from social life... Now, what do you say about cooking dinner? Just...” Hakyeon sounds hesitant and Taekwoon looks at him questioningly. “Don’t get worked up again if you can’t find anything to say to the vegetables...”

Taekwoon hits him playfully as he unsuccessfully tries to suppress a grin.

“You’re stupid.”

“So are you since you laughed!”

Taekwoon does again and this time it’s a real laugh. They stand to go to the kitchen and it’s an hour of teasing, bickering and giggles. At the end of the day, Hakyeon is reassured that he has back the Taekwoon he has always known, the confident one boasting about the dinner they both prepared but is taking all the credit for it. They can’t stop talking about fun memories and each story seems to lighten their hearts.

Just before Hakyeon falls asleep, he hears it, just a whisper but it is loud and significant in the silence and quietness of the night.

“Thank you.”


	8. Back Home?

Taekwoon’s last day in Japan passes in the blink of an eye. Hakyeon was supposed to have the day off but is called into work on short notice just after they finished their lunch. He can’t stop excusing himself for having to leave so suddenly, but Taekwoon doesn’t mind. He has to pack his luggage and Hakyeon wouldn’t have been able to help with that anyway. Luckily, Hakyeon is back just in time to take him to the airport, so it really is okay.

Hakyeon spends the ride complaining about his co-workers, how they take him for granted and how he is ruthlessly exploited, but Taekwoon knows he just loves feeling indispensable and he tells him so. Hakyeon just smiles. They have time for one last coffee and then Taekwoon heads for the gates. Hakyeon is, of course, waving at him with big gestures and just before Taekwoon passes the security checkpoint, he hears Hakyeon shouting a loud, “Have a good flight Taekwoonie!” Despite the embarrassment, he can’t help but smile...

When Taekwoon arrives at the airport in Seoul, there isn’t anybody waiting for him. It was expected. It’s late at night and Minah told him she had to work early tomorrow. When he gets to their apartment, she’s already sleeping and he’s careful not to wake her up while he prepares himself to bed. She doesn’t move when he takes place by her side on the bed. Staring at the ceiling, he’s reminded of another sleeping form in another country. He wonders if Hakyeon is feeling lonely now. They had such a great time together. He remembers to send a message, wondering if Hakyeon is still awake, and the answer is almost immediate. The feeling of their connection eases his heart and sleep comes to him at last.

It’s lonely when Taekwoon wakes up. He didn’t hear her but Minah has already gone to work. Since he isn’t going back to work until tomorrow, he texts Hongbin so they can meet in the afternoon. Hakyeon forced tons of mochi on him to give to Hongbin. They’re Hongbin’s favourite Japanese dessert. He doesn’t have much to do before they meet. Once he’s done with unpacking, he thinks about cooking but there is already food prepared for him in the fridge. The apartment is very silent so he turns on the TV but nothing really appeals to him. After lunch, he goes through his notes from the conference and prepares his report for his company.

He meets Hongbin at their usual place, a café they’ve frequented since college. In the beginning, it was sort of Taekwoon’s hidden base, but not for long (he never managed to hide anything from Hakyeon for long). It quickly became the meeting point for their whole group of friends. The beverages were pretty decent and, above all, affordable, which was so important back in the day. Hongbin is late but Taekwoon doesn’t wait to order. They pretty much always get the same thing anyway. When Hongbin finally shows up, he’s slightly out of breath.

“Sorry hyung, something came up at the studio and I had to take care of the mess before I could leave.”

“Is everything okay now?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine now. How was your stay in Japan? How’s Hakyeon-hyung?”

Taekwoon scoffs at the questions. “Like you don’t already know everything...”

“Doesn’t matter hyung. It’s what’s called small talk. You know, that unimportant but important thing that help socialising?”

Taekwoon freezes. He didn’t think that Hakyeon would have talk to Hongbin about his insecurities.

“What’s with the long face, hyung?”

“I didn’t think Hakyeon would have talked to you about it...”

“About what?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“What? I’m not following, hyung... Is there something Hakyeon-hyung should have told me? Or not told me?”

Hongbin looks genuinely confused and Taekwoon realises he’d just assumed things too quickly. It’s stupid. Of course Hakyeon wouldn’t have been so indiscreet...

“No, it’s nothing, never mind. Here is your mochi, don’t choke on them. Seriously, I don’t know how you’re so addicted to these. They’re so filling...”

“Not everyone is able to sustain themselves with black coffee only, hyung. Sometimes you also need to eat real food... Wow, there are so many flavours! Hakyeon-hyung really is the best!”

After that, the conversation continues quite easily, to Taekwoon’s surprise. He assumes it’s because they’re speaking about Hakyeon. For some reason it’s always easy for him to talk about Hakyeon.

Unfortunately, Hongbin has to go after a phone call from his studio. The earlier problem is not quite resolved yet. It’s something about unwilling pets and Taekwoon is very tempted to enquire about it but Hongbin has to go at once. Whatever, he’ll ask Hakyeon later. Hakyeon always manages to know about everything and everyone...

When Taekwoon gets home, Minah is already there and dinner is ready. She asks him some questions about his trip and then goes on about some things at work he can’t make himself care about. He doesn’t remember having this problem before they got married, but the awkwardness he feels so often with people is definitely there. It’s not just people, though, it’s his own wife. He suddenly feels like crying, exactly like when he talked to Hakyeon about it. Instead, he carefully makes sure he keeps his neutral mask on.

Minah doesn’t seem to realise that anything is wrong. He can’t help but think that Hakyeon would have. Hakyeon always knows when he’s faking anything. Hakyeon is the only one he can’t play poker with. But his wife doesn’t see through his poor acting... It shouldn’t matter. After all, it’s not uncommon for a couple to not share everything and to have separate interests... It is normal... Maybe a necessity even? He tries to reassure himself, but can’t.

Soon, their meal is finished and after clearing their plates, Minah gets closer to him. She puts an arm around his shoulders and sits on his lap. He smiles like an automaton, wraps his arms around her waist and puts a small peck on her lips. She moves closer and kisses him back, demanding, but he stops her by pushing slightly against her shoulder. She stares at him, questioningly.

“I’m too tired, love, I’m sorry.” And he keeps smiling that artificial smile of his. It seems he’s getting so good at fooling her with this particular smile.

She understands. Of course he would be exhausted from his trip. She kisses him again, lightly this time, and asks him if he wants a bath. He declines and tells her he needs to have one last look at his notes before going to bed. She doesn’t have to wait for him, he’ll make it quick.

While she’s making her way to their bedroom, he stares at her retreating back for a long time and tries hard to keep his distraught thoughts at bay. However, they come to him anyway when she shuts the door behind herself.

How did the woman he married became a stranger to him?

He wonders if he proposed too soon in their relationship. They were doing so well and he really thought she was the one. She was definitely his type, petite and delicate, and he liked her carefree and positive personality. She didn’t mind that he was ambitious and understood when he sometimes had to put work first. She had friends of her own and found it natural that he spend time with his own without feeling jealous. She always was understanding. It was such a change from his previous girlfriends who always turned out to be kind of whiny after a while, seeking his exclusive attention and at some point tiring him with their relentless demands. He thought he wouldn’t find a better match and that’s why he proposed.

However, since their marriage, it started to change. Now Minah was complaining when he came late from work or when he would rather stay at home than try a new restaurant. They started to argue about everything, and it wasn’t just about inviting people to dinner or about their living room looking more and more like a pretty but lifeless showroom, it was also about his lack of talking and supposed indifference, and her sudden decision to not having a child yet. This last one hurt him a lot but given the circumstances, he couldn’t say it wasn’t wiser for them to wait.

He thought they understood each other without having to say things aloud, but it was just wishful thinking because now that they were living together, it became obvious that they disagree a lot. It wasn’t always bad and sometimes, like tonight, she reminded him of the woman he fell in love with and wanted to marry. But he didn’t understand her anymore and he was getting tired of her unexpected change of mind. He tried his best but never felt it was enough. So like in his previous relationships, he chose the easy way around by letting her win every argument.

But he isn’t happy. And they’re drifting apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I hope you enjoyed this new chapter. I'll try to post again once a week as I was doing before, or at least not to wait so long to post the next chapter... <3


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